I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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