Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
