i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
