Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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