youre lurking in front of me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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