I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
