Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
