I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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