Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
