what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
