My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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