You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
