Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
