don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
