What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
