I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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