did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
