clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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