She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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