if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
