Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
