WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
