i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
