Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
