My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
