I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
