Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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