ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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