there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
