What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
