Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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