She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
