i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Holy sore nipples Batman
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
