I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why can't burritos get me drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
