was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
