Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
