just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
