Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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