I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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