I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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