Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
