a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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