New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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