I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
