dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
