hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
