Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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