They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
