After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
