I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
