But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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